Cosmic Love
by CassidysPersona
Summary: Since Lucius has returned from Azkaban Narcissa has been holding their family together. With Lucius having nightmares and having been broken during his stint in Azkaban it's up to Narcissa to remind who made her this strong in the first place and that he is worthy of love. Cosmic Love - Florence and The Machine, this song inspired this fanfic


**_A/N: After hearing the song Cosmic Love on a very hard-hitting story on Coronation Street (a British Soap Opera for any out-of-UK readers) I needed something to take my mind off the fact this song signified Aidan's suicide, so after hearing it's called Cosmic Love 'the stars and the moon they have all been blown up' made me think of Narcissa as she's from an astronomically first name named family and then I envisioned Lucius and Narcissa dancing to this song. Sadly, it was out way after the era Harry Potter was set in, also Lucissa are aristocratic purebloods neither would ever think about listening to muggle music but I still link this song to them so here's a fanfic based on Lucius post-Azkaban and how Narcissa deals with her husband's broken mind after being at the hands of the dementors. Also, yes Narcissa was the one who kept the family together during the Second Wizarding War but Narcissa had lived a comfortable life her whole life where Lucius was the one who took care of business. I can imagine it's easy for Lucius around this time to forget that Narcissa once relied on him._**

 _"I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map  
And knew that somehow, I could find my way back  
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too  
So I stayed in the darkness with you"_

Narcissa Malfoy listened once again to her husband's moans and groans as he slept. This was how she spent most of her nights now; listening to Lucius be tormented in his sleep by his own mind. He would in his sleep grip at the sheets, toss, turn and occasionally call out _'no!'_ and this was even before he would wake up and shoot up from the mattress in a panic. Sweat would drip from his forehead, his side of the bed would be soaked with sweat. Narcissa had never seen her husband like this before, normally he was the one comforting her when she woke up from bad dreams. Narcissa saw that he was broken, tormented daily by his once respected fellow Death Eaters. For he was the one who had been caught despite the fact Rabastan Lestrange too was thrown into Azkaban, once upon a time not so long-ago Lucius had been a leader and had earned his respect. Now he was a laughing stock. Even Bellatrix and Rodolphus mocked how he had fallen from grace – much to Narcissa's dismay and she had even threatened to throw her older sister and brother-in-law out. Leave them to survive by themselves without getting caught, this shut them up but Bellatrix had never taken Narcissa seriously she would always be to her, her baby sister.

"No!" Lucius shot up this no longer made Narcissa jump. This was now part of her night routine something she had quickly adjusted too. Lucius's heart was pounding against his chest, his body was shaking and cold he hated waking up in a cold sweat. His back was soaked, his face was dripping and he looked practically transparent.

"Lucius," Narcissa spoke ever so carefully, calculating how lucid he was, one night not from fault of his own Narcissa had tried to touch him, to calm him down but all that did was make him react in self-defence and he grabbed her by the wrists, then pinned her down. Narcissa had a powerful enough scream and it snapped him out of his delusional state and when he realised what he had done he apologised over and over until he had exhausted his voice. Lucius turned his head to face his wife whose face was full of concern, "Lucius," she touched his face with her hand hoping he would let her help. Lucius had done this for her why couldn't she return the favour? "It's ok sweetheart," she sounded motherly like she was talking to Draco when he was small after waking up from a nightmare. However, little Draco's nightmares about boggarts or one nightmare from him that made her shudder it was when he dreamt about a book he had picked up from the manor's library. Narcissa knew her Uncle Orion was always interested in the history of how Muggles treated witches and wizards and when he found a book on the how Muggles treated his kind, his fear of Muggles became borderline paranoia, that was why 12 Grimmauld Place was so protected; Orion's paranoia. Draco had found the book hidden in the Malfoy Manor library and even though he couldn't read, the book's pictures were enough to make him see why Orion had become so paranoid. So, three-year-old Draco woke up screaming and crying; clinging tightly to his mother, gripping onto her nightdress, leaning his head against her chest. Once he was calm enough she had asked what it was about and he told her what he had seen. As Narcissa looked through the book, she realised whose book it was. The writing was unmistakable - it was Orion's handwriting scribbled against the pages, paranoid notes and protection enchantments. Narcissa not-so-kindly gave the book back to her Aunt Walburga and told her that if any more of her Uncle Orion's things made their way into the hands of her son she wouldn't hesitate to get revenge. Draco's usual bad dreams were nothing compared to Lucius's reoccurring year long trauma he suffered at the pleasure of the dementors, "it's ok, it's me," she felt his hand touch hers.

"I'm sorry," his voice was so croaky, broken and strained. What happened to the husband who held his head up high and spoke with such confidence and charm? The husband who had manipulated the Minster of Magic, the husband she married? "I've let you down, I swore to protect you on our wedding day. I swore at Draco's naming ceremony that I would protect him," Narcissa felt two tears drop onto her hand, "I've failed you both."

"You have never failed me," Narcissa reached for her wand and tapped the bedside light. Soon the room was lit up with a yellow light and Narcissa came face to face with her husband, his skin matched the colour of the light. Narcissa's hands touched both sides of his face, over the past year Narcissa had grown a thicker skin. Living with a post-Azkaban Bellatrix was enough to make her toughen up, she wasn't a child anymore and Bellatrix couldn't push her around. Narcissa had even risked her own life to protect her son and minorly injured her sister when she tried to stop her. Lucius had come home to a woman who was keeping their family on the right side of The Dark Lord, a woman who was putting her family before anything else, who was risking her relationship with her older sister to protect her son and husband. Lucius had never underestimated Narcissa but since when had Narcissa become so strong? The youngest of three she had always been the quietest and one who wanted to please her family both Black and Malfoy, "or Draco, you survived Azkaban Lucius."

"Barely," Lucius croaked. He swallowed a lump in his throat trying to fight back the tears, he was Malfoy for heaven's sake. An aristocratic pureblood at that. He was not allowed to cry nor was he going to allow his wife to see him cry especially when she was the one being so strong. Little did he know that Narcissa had broken down her walls in front of Severus Snape; cried on her knees and kissed his hand in desperation to keep her son safe, she had even suggested that The Dark Lord couldn't even destroy Harry Potter, "you've been so strong."

"No, I haven't," Narcissa whispered, "if you had seen me not long ago, I lost all composure in front of Severus of all people. I'd have taken crying in front of Rabastan but Severus, I can't look him in the face again. At least Rabastan's my brother-in-law through marriage. I've not been strong Lucius. You've been at hand of the Dementors…it's no wonder you are suffering from nightmares," she leant in to kiss him but Lucius pulled away. The closeness of someone reminded him too much of when the dementors came near him, it wasn't Narcissa she was his wife, a woman he loved but he was too fragile.

"I'm sorry…please, Cissy, it isn't you," Lucius felt his heart break in two when he saw the look on Narcissa's face; she didn't look offended, her eyes were full of sadness, "I'm sorry," he said again, quietly but loud enough for Narcissa to hear. He turned around and got out of bed racing into the bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror; his hair was no longer shiny or straight it was unkept and full of faults, his face was waxy, his eyes were sunken. He turned on the taps and filled the sink up with water, then doused his face grasping hold of both sides of the sink. What was this man in the mirror? This was not the Lucius he knew, he knew himself and this was not the man he had once been. For a second he saw a younger version of himself staring in the mirror. It was like he was staring at Draco but it was himself, a younger version of himself. Both himself and younger-self bowed their heads down and proceeded to cry, a cry that echoed through the bathroom.

"Lucius," Narcissa strode in closing the bathroom door locking it with her wand, before racing to her husband, "Lucius," she looked in the mirror but she couldn't see what he could see, instead Narcissa was only able to see the man she loved and herself. Lucius stopped and breathed in and out, "sweetheart…it's ok," she touched his arm, the arm that wasn't marked and felt him tense, "it's me Lucius."

"I don't want you to see me like this Narcissa," Lucius couldn't help but feel ashamed, he refused to look at her, here was his wife comforting him like he was Draco, or a younger Draco for that matter, "you don't deserve to see me like this."

Narcissa found strength from somewhere, physical strength and she turned her husband around to face her. He stumbled slightly shocked at the fact Narcissa was strong enough to do this, "Lucius Abraxas Malfoy you look at me in the eyes!" she ordered and with that authority her husband turned his head and stared into her big blue eyes, "you dare tell me that I don't deserve to see you like this, when you've seen me broken more times than I want to admit."

"That was different Cissy! Don't you dare compare me comforting you because the press torturing you and your family after **she** left your family! Don't you see it? Comforting me, it's different I'm worthless. You deserved that comfort, I deserve nothing!" he turned his head away and broke free from her tight grasp darting for the door but without his wand, he couldn't unlock the door, had she forgotten he had been locked behind bars? Locking the door wasn't a smart move in his opinion but Lucius always knew there was a method to Narcissa's madness.

"You are not worthless," she informed him in a rather a matter of fact tone, taking advantage of his silence for a second, "no matter what the Dementors made you see or think, they are wrong. You are my husband and you are always worthy of my support," she walked over to him and put her hands to his face desperate for him to break out of this depressed state only if for a night, "please Lucius, let me love you," she could see his grey eyes water up, the whites of his eyes tinted red, "it's ok to cry. I've done it enough, it's ok to cry," it was like those words were enough to break down a dam that held Lucius's emotions and that dam was cracking. Tears dropped onto her thumb one after the other, until he finally broke that emotional dam and he had to use Narcissa as a support, he felt his body weaken and he had to come to the ground Narcissa followed him down, holding onto his shoulders, "it's ok," she let him cry on her, she placed a kiss on top of his head and then stroked his hair. The witch couldn't help but feel she was taking care of Lucius like she did with Draco. In some ways Draco and Lucius were quite alike; they both had times they were vulnerable and needed some to be there for them, but they also were pureblood men and sometimes their pride got in the way, "I promise you, it will be ok," her hand was stroking the sides of his hair, her other arm was wrapped around his body pulling him closer into her side. Then she waited for however long it took for Lucius to feel a little better about himself, "if you say you're sorry again, I will give you something really to be sorry for," she had a feeling those would be the words next to come out of his mouth, then as Lucius pulled away, she did the same. They found themselves staring at each other their heads leant against the wall they used to do this at school. This time Narcissa was the one to turn around and let Lucius lean his head on her shoulder. Rather than the other way around.

"Thank you," Lucius whispered he took Narcissa's hand in his and squeezed it tight, "I don't deserve you, Cissy."

"Then I don't deserve you, Lucius," Narcissa responded before squeezing his hand back, "you forget one thing, Lucius. We were together before we were married and you've seen me through my blood-traitor sister leaving, to Sirius disgracing the family name as well, to my parents dying, and so much more…so if you can see me through that, I can see you through this. Do our vows not mean anything? Till death do us part, it means until one of us dies we stick together," Narcissa stood up and held out her hand for Lucius to take, "I love you, our marriage isn't like Rodolphus or Bellatrix, they married out of keeping the family happy. Yes, we married because of that but also, I married you because I love you," Narcissa took hold of his hand helped him up, then they stopped and looked up at each other, Narcissa waited for a response. Lucius took both of her hands in his and pulled her towards him both looking at each other with a look that not many male Death Eaters and their wives were capable of. It was the look of love and adoration something that Bellatrix and Rodolphus would make childish vomit noises at.

 _The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart"_

"Thank you," Lucius leant his forehead against hers finally accepting that he was still capable of love, despite the fact the dementors had been feeding off him for a year, making him relive moments in his life that he had purposely blocked out for a reason, "I love you," he whispered before pulling Narcissa into a hug, in return Narcissa wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him tight. Lucius felt himself subconsciously rely on Narcissa's not only physical strength but mental strength as well, "you're so strong Cissy," he whispered into her ear, "You're keeping us together and I thank you, Draco would be as broken as me if it wasn't for you."

"You give me far too much credit Lucius, maybe take another look in the mirror and remember that for all these years you have supported me. If it wasn't for you I would've been broken by my family problems," Narcissa pulled away and then reached up to kiss him on the lips. she waited patiently for Lucius to kiss her back. As soon as he pressed his lips against hers it was only them. No one else at this moment mattered they were together, reunited. They weren't free from The Dark Lord but they were together and that to Narcissa was all that mattered.

 ** _Feel free to review_**

 ** _From_**

 ** _CassidysPersona xx_**


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